My Korean Doctor's Office Experience

Today was a very strange day, indeed. This is but one story of my strange day.


In order to get my Alien Registration Card this Friday, I am required to have a simple drug test to make sure I am not taking any illegal drugs and also an HIV test. Simple, right?? Uhm...not if you are an American who speaks no Korean! So, my Director instructs me on where to go and assures me that it will be fine for me to go alone as the doctor speaks English. I hop on Pinky (aka my Hot Pink Bicycle) and pedal off to the clinic. I find it easily enough and lock up my bike and head to the door...it is locked. I'm sure the sign on the door says to use the other entrance, but since I am illiterate, I cannot read it. lol...I venture around the building and manage to find the correct door and proceed upstairs to the clinic. At the desk I am met by a wide-eyed male receptionist who smiles and gives me a little paper about the size of an index card with nothing but Korean writing and blank spaces to be filled. It apparently is a registration form asking for my name, birthdate, etc., but, alas, I am illiterate. A kind nurse or medical assistant or whatever she is in her little white jacket, tries to assist me with the help of my handy dandy translation book! (Best $7.00 I have ever spent on a book) I manage to write my name, age, and birthday, then she escorts me to a seat.


After a bit, Nurse Lady motions for me to come over to the blood pressure machine. Yes, like the ones they have in Walgreens. It is in the middle of the waiting room. She takes my blood pressure which is through the roof because of the stress I am feeling and motions me to go sit back where she planted me previously. I take out a book and pretend to ignore the stares of all the Korean people, especially the little old lady next to me who makes it obvious she is staring. She mumbles something several times to me in Korean. I smile, nod, and go back to my book.


A few minutes later I am escorted into the doctor's "office" by Nurse Lady. Doctor "I-don't-even-know-his-name" is sitting behind his desk, motions me to sit on the stool in front of his desk, and proceeds to ask me, "What can I do for you today?" Hurray!!! He does speak English!! After a bit of exchange, I am finally able to get across what I need. I think he understands and I just want to get the heck out of there! He calls Nurse Lady on the phone and she appears instantaneously! He instructs her to take my "samples" for the "study" and she escorts me back to my perch. I sit like a good little girl waiting for my next instructions. Old Lady is still staring at me.


Nurse Lady comes to me with a PAPER CUP with a line drawn on the side and points to the "toilet" sign (I can read that one). I understand. Fill to line and bring back. Got it. I go into the restroom. I open the door to the "stall", and there it is...Squat Toilet. I say out loud to myself, "You have got to be kidding me!" For those of you who have no idea what a squat toilet is, I have included a picture. Yes, it is on the floor, I am wearing capris and have to give a sample in a paper cup. Really???
Somehow I manage to fill to the line without a major catastrophe, but then I am unsure what to do next. Well, I put some tissue around the paper cup and trot back through the waiting room (yes, the waiting room) and hand it to Nurse Lady who takes it from me with no gloves and sets it on the counter. Yes, you get it! No gloves, no lid, no sterile container, no "clean catch"...I am beside myself. But wait!! There's more!!


Now it is time to give my blood. "Sit," she says. I sit. On a stool. In a doorway. In front of the entire waiting room to watch as she takes my arm and ties the touniquet and proceeds to "slap, slap, slap" to get a vein to appear. Again, no gloves! I did at least witness a clean, sterile needle that she was going to use. She proceeds to take my blood into the container, then inject it into one of those tubes. Odd, just odd. She puts a cotton pad thing on my puncture then a bandage. All no gloves, sample still on counter uncovered, and the whole waiting room watching the Alien give blood. I really just want to run away at this point.


She manages to tell me I am finished and directs me to the receptionist. I need to pay 40,000 Won. Hmmm...would have been nice to know up front, as I only have 10,000 Won on me. I play the sign language game indicating I need to make a call. I call Teacher Jennifer (LOVE HER) and explain my dilemma. Graciously, she comes to rescue me, pays my bill, and whisks me away from this dreadful place. I am traumatized. Jennifer laughs and we both wonder why Mr. Cho (my Director) did not send one of the Korean teachers with me. We, Jennifer and I, cannot come up with a good reason, so we head over to her paint studio and have afternoon tea with her Art Teacher. My traumatization of the Korean health clinic is over. Now, I just hope I get that Alien Registration Card on Friday!

Stay tuned....